I CAN'T HANDLE HER(TEENAGER)?

Don't take this the wrong way, but if you are 41, you need to return to school. Learn how to construct a sentence, and understand that you are not her mother, but her sister. You could both benefit from counseling, as she is feeling abandoned by your mother, and she feels like you are trying to replace her mother. It's similar to a step parent when a parent has divorced or died and someone else steps in and tries to act all parental. You had the same mom for goodness sake. She's probably wondering why you aren't hurting like she is (you probably try to hide it from here because you want to appear strong) and you appear as if you don't care. Your husband is treating her like a sister in law, not a kid, so she talks to him. Try it, you might be surprised to find out that she is full of hurt and that's why she's lashing out.